What’s wrong/what’s happening/am I okay?
All of those questions and ones like then are pretty loaded at the moment. Whenever people have asked i usually say, “No. I’m not. But I will be, I have to be.”
I don’t know if that still stands. I got asked today to do something never would have expected. Play on the varsity team for the one sport I like. The problem with that is also do forensics, band, choir, nhs, green team, get good grades, and more forensics. And I don’t think that’s even it. I would love to play on varsity, but I doubt myself.
I had one person telling me I should do it and one telling me I shouldn’t do it. My mom and my friend. I literally doesn’t over an hour starting at that email. That’s where my post stating I didn’t know what to do came from.
My friend told me I’m getting closer and closer to burning out. That things might end up getting worse for me. Right now I just want to spend the next few days at home, hiding. I can’t stop. I have too many responsibilities and promises I’ve made to people. And I can’t let them down.
When I admit can’t do something, I can fall the disappointment. Especially from my peers. They ask for homework help, I tell them in busy or i did it but already put it up, or don’t know how to do it and I get snarled at or i get a sad response. The seniors are amazing and that’s where another one of my best friends is, but after this year they’re gone. The freshmen can’t burden with my problems. And as a whole the sophomores…. they’re not the greatest bunch. There are jewels, but not a large number. I can’t tell whether my class jokes or not anymore when they tell me to shut up. I don’t hear joking, all I hear is irritation and the biting tone behind it.
I also don’t know if I’m overreacting. It feels like am.
It’s just easier to focus on others and how they’re doing than myself. I know that’s bad.
The issue is, I don’t want to stop. I just want to sleep